This past Sabbath, I was involved in one of the How to Study the Bible training weekends in another church. There were 4 of us in the team and it was an exciting weekend.

I have always enjoyed doing revival and this weekend was a reminder to myself how much I enjoy it.

It wasn't all enjoyment the whole weekend. In fact, it was a very uncomfortable weekend, but the enjoyment came from how the Lord delivered me out of it.

It was the Sabbath afternoon, and I was due to teach a lesson to church members who stayed behind after potluck. For some reason, I was the only one in my team and the only pereson in church who had food poisoning. I had really bad stomachache and diarrhoea, and I constantly felt like throwing up (this feeling is called nausea). The funny thing was, my stomachache, diarrhoea, and nausea all came together the hour before it was my turn to teach.

I remember going to the toilet many times that afternoon, and each time I went to the toilet, it was a bad experience. But not the type of bad you are thinking of.

The first time I went to the toilet, I remember turning around to flush and I saw someone (a male figure) looking at me through the frosted window pane from the outside. That window pane is quite high up and needs to be climbed or at least tiptoed. That someone turned around and his head went down the moment he saw that I noticed him.

I felt so violated. Many past hurtful experiences started coming back to memory and I started praying for God to keep me calm. While it may be a small matter to many, because of the scars, abuse, and assaults I've faced before, small things that happen again to me make me panic and break down and remember the things I've faced before.

The stomach ache distracted me.

The third time I went to the toilet, it was just about 10-15 minutes till I was due to go up and teach. This time, just a minute after I had entered the stall, I heard banging on the door and the voice of an elderly man. The voice was heard well, but somehow the words were not clear. It was not a language I thought I knew. The voice was like a man who has had a stroke, so could not speak properly and words were not understandable, but the volume was loud.

I originally thought he was talking to the person in the stall next to me. But he kept banging and talking when I did not answer. After a few times, I answered "I'm sorry, there's someone in here", and when I did, he would immediately talk back to me although I could not hear what he was saying. This kept repeating, me saying there is someone inside, and him banging on the door.

Eventually I became very annoyed and said "I'm using the toilet, can you wait?". This time I very clearly heard "okay", followed by silence. I felt so angry and frustrated because I still had my stomachache, and I was due to teach soon. I felt angry that the church had invited us to teach, but someone decided to violate my privacy by watching me in the toilet. I felt angry that I was suffering and trying my best to get ready to teach, but someone kept trying to chase me out of the toilet just minutes after I went in. I prayed and asked God to give me patience, and I decided to just leave the toilet with my stomachache, and brace myself to smile and apologize for holding the toilet to whoever was waiting outside.

When I opened the door, I saw no one outside. I was confused. Only a few seconds had passed from when the voice stopped and when I opened the door. I looked to the side and I became even more angry to see the stall beside me was empty and unoccupied. Why did this person who was banging on my door not just use the stall beside mine? I walked around to see who it could be who had knocked on my door and to my dismay, I saw only mothers and young children.

I sat down on the church pews, in pain, almost in tears. I was trying to figure out whether there was really a man who kept banging on my door and shouting noises, or whether Satan himself was knocking on my door and trying to get me so riled up on top of my pain so that I could not teach.

I wanted to cry so badly. I didn't know if I should be angry at Satan for doing it himself, or sending an old man to do it, or if I should be angry at the church for "treating a teacher badly".

The moment the thought crossed my mind that I was angry at the church for treating me badly, I knew I had crossed a line. I knew, that it was my pride talking, that somehow I thought I was doing the church a favor by coming to teach. I knew I was in the wrong.

Just as God convicted me of my wrong, Shaun called our team together to pray. I sank to my knees, and I was last to pray. I was angry that no one in my team prayed for my health and the pain I was in, but I knew I was wrong. I prayed and asked God to forgive us (but more so, me) for robbing him of the glory and thinking we are doing anything important at all. My prayer was only for forgiveness, and for help to God to take over and make us low, and to lift Jesus up.

As I opened my eyes, I saw a little girl kneeling in front of me, praying with the four of us.

This was the same girl who sat with me during the sermon in the morning quietly and held my hand to pray during pastoral prayer.

This was the first time, I've ever seen a child be interested in spiritual things, let alone willingly come and kneel and join the four of us in prayer without being asked. In my home church when I babysit, I always have to tell kids to be quiet during prayer against their will, and find ways to trick them into kneeling and being quiet.

But here was a little girl, quietly sneaking in to pray with the us because she wanted to.

I started to tear. I was so touched, I hugged her and thanked her, and she smiled, and ran off after that.

As I sat on the chair, I realized how wrong I was, how incredibly prideful I was, and how I was so unfair to God. I was still very angry, but I knew I was in the wrong.

My team members got up to sing and while they were singing I was still thinking of other things that had happened. When my mind decided to refocus on the songs, one of my team members chose this song to sing next:

Romans 12:20-21
20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

A tear fell from my eye as we sang the song together.

In my heart, I decided to pray this prayer:

Lord, forgive me for my sin of pride. Make me low, make me humble, make me invisible. May the church not see me, but may they see Jesus. Please take away my pain so that I may deliver Your Word with ease and Your Word can be taught without any problems. Whoever it was that caused me the problems earlier, save them. I pray that they will sit in the classes and listen to Your Word and love You more.
If it was nobody at all, and it was Satan, I pray that You will heap coals of fire on his head while he watches Your children hear Your word. Give me your Holy Spirit, and speak through me, but make me invisible. Heap coals of fire on the enemy, and teach me to do good even to evil. I surrender it all to You.

I remember the moment I prayed this prayer, my stomach ache went away. My headache went away. I had peace in my heart, and my thoughts were clear once again.

That weekend was the most blessed weekend. When gates were locked and people couldn't get into the church, I saw people of all ages climb over the gate to get into the church to study the Bible together. I saw babies passed over the gate, children climbing and jumping over, adults helping each other, and even elderly grandmothers being lifted up and crossing over on chairs, just to study the Bible together. It was a sight that I will remember for very long.